re-solution
January 14, 2008 by iris89
New year, new me. I wish. It’s
always easier said than done. And for the record, I haven’t, in my entire
20years of living in this world, made and kept a resolution at all. Seriously.
I give meaning to the saying, “promises are made to be broken”.
So this year is supposed to be
very lucky, according to them Chinese. Thank you, lucky number 8. Maybe I will
be successful with my list of resolutions for this year then.
- Gain weight. My stomach, to quote my
best guy friend RF, is a bottomless pit and it never rests. Yes, I eat a
lot. 2 cups of rice is the usual serving I get during meals. Snacks
compose of a hamburger or pancit canton, and always paired with other
heavy stuff. I maintain a VERY sedentary lifestyle, but still, my body
weight remains at 113 pounds. What the hell is wrong with me? No matter
how many calories I consume per day, I never get fat. Just yesterday, a
good friend of mine told me that “ganiwang ko”. Uh hello? This is like, a
week after the holidays and I did absolutely nothing but binge and sleep
at every chance I could get. Now she’s telling me that I’ve gotten
thinner? Res ipsa loquitur. The thing speaks for itself. Crap. (my head is
still with nursing law and jurisprudence, forgive me). I need more fat
inside my system. I’ve become so hypothermic already and it’s not doing me
any good at all. Please help me. Pleeeeease. Maybe I need something more
other than just food and sleep.
And oh, I just
realized. This is not a resolution at all. Wenk XD
- Be a better girlfriend :p. ah yes,
I need to do him a favor this year. Give him a break from all the bipolar
episodes I constantly throw at him. Of course, there’s always this list of
meaningless justifications for all the unreasonable actions that I always
give him, but that’s what all crazy people do. I always find ways to make
everything hard for him. I can’t help it…. Sometimes it’s just so much…fun
anyway if you’re reading this j, I
do love you. You know that. And I have weird ways of showing it. Lucky
you. Not - Grow up. I’m stuck at an age where
I feel responsible for a lot of things that happen in my life, but I don’t
really do anything about them. In my life, everything follows a straight
path. I want to make curves, corners, and sharp U-turns. But no one would
give that to me. I try to make these deviations. But so many things within
myself stop me from doing so. I have to start breaking down walls and all
other defenses in order for me to stop dreaming and wishing and just work
for want I want instead. But i haven’t started yet. I don’t know when. I
wish I could just grow up, you know? Take responsibility by the reins and
just try to make the right decisions for myself.
What do I really
want? I want to be creative. I want to be an artist. I want to get on with
those natural highs in life. I want to escape, and take a moment to see life
the way all of us should see it – unassuming, unpredictable, and worry free. I
want to go back to the time when even the shortest mango tress seemed to big
for me to climb, when deep wells were believed to grant me my wishes and all of
my heart’s desires, when love was manifested in my mother’s cooking and my
father’s hugs. Then, maybe ill rediscover myself in the purest sense. In my
simplest form. Untainted and unknowledgeable about the pain and suffering in
this damn world. Then maybe il be closer to my soul than ever before, that even
its faintest whisper can be heard a thousand times louder. And then maybe I can
be me in the best possible way that I can. Just maybe.
I wish I could
just close my eyes and spin round and round and round until the earth gives me
up and swallows me whole into her very
depths. There I go again. Wishes.
And so with this
list of resolutions, I hope to start 2008 right. I know I could’ve made a
lengthier list, im not perfect after all and there is still so much to improve,
but my mind is starting to dry up and im getting hungry, sooo…this will have to
do in the meantime. I still have eleven more months of keeping these up. Hay
naku. Wish me luck
